Today I am happy to welcome a guest author – Dasha Lukiniha. Dasha is a twenty something living and working in London. She is a city girl working in economics who sometimes likes to get lost in musing over life’s big and not so big questions and would like to share some of her thoughts with you. In her stimulating post she reflects on our subconscious intentions that might be very different from what we think our intentions are. I hope you enjoy this self-reflection piece the same as I did.
The Power of Intention or how honest are we really with ourselves? Author: Dasha Lukiniha
After declining my fifth job offer, exhausted from the never ending search process I ran down the usual “motivational” list I resort to every time –
- I’m doing all I can in the process
- This one just isn’t the right job for me..
- And it will work out in the end if I keep pushing just as hard
And just as I was about to make peace with this one I had one of my biggest aha moments (thank you, Oprah – the “aha moment” you so frequently refer to really did hit me like a brick this time J). The culprit was a very short and innocent looking video on YouTube selected almost at random but it had two extremely important words in it – the power of intention. And so it hit me – I’m not getting where I want here not because the jobs aren’t right for me, the pay package is too low, the company isn’t the right fit but because my inner intention is very different to my outer actions.
Now, some of you may think I’m a little crazy, this isn’t rocket science, right? I want the job so I’m looking for said job and going for interviews – a fairly straightforward process by the looks of it. But hear this one out, and this is just as true for job searching as it is for being single and eternally looking for a partner, just as it is for most difficult situations that repeat themselves and don’t seem to come to any kind of conclusion – being brutally honest in identifying your true subconscious intention. And this is absolutely key because it ultimately determines how you go about getting what you’re after and whether you’re sabotaging yourself here.
What if I told you that in my particular case my inner subconscious intention wasn’t to actually find a job but to keep busy and make it look like I’m looking for a job to make myself feel better and avoid facing my very uncomfortable fears and anxiety? What if my subconscious intention was to keep getting job offers to boost my ego and secretly hope to get a better offer in my old job so I don’t have to leave and face my fears? And that kind of intention gave me exactly that – a long list of vacancies, job interviews and offers but nothing that I took in the end. That was simply not the intention here. And the result – lots of frustration and conflicting feelings as I wasn’t dealing with the “real why’s” and was instead engaging in large amounts of activity to keep me busy.
And what about the eternal search for a loving relationship? How many times have we heard someone say (or maybe it was us who was saying it) over and over that they are looking for a partner but there’s just no one out there that’s good for them. All those never ending dates that people go on with no interest in meeting each other after that first uncomfortable coffee… What if the intention is actually not to be in a happy committed relationship but something else entirely different lurking just beneath the surface.. A very scared inner child afraid of intimacy could be a good example of a reason for that. The result? – always choosing a potential mate in whom you have no real interest just to make sure it never works out. The appearance of looking for someone does the job of calming the anxiety of being alone for a limited period of time. But because the ultimate need for connection is ignored, the craving for it is bound to come back with a stronger force and you can find yourself stuck in a loop. (Side note – sometimes of course the person just isn’t right for us, but if this keeps happening over and over look for a deeper reason).
Here’s the thing with intention – we can’t escape our subconscious. And it comes down to how honest we are willing to be with ourselves. It takes a lot of courage to admit to our fears and mental blocks that may have been with us for many years, let alone face up to them. But herein lies our space for choice and growth. And more often than not salvation lies simply in the ability to be honest with oneself. So before starting any new venture, ask yourself and be brutally honest – what is your intention here? Are you starting a new business because you’re running away from the old job and can’t face coming back to work or because you love your idea and want to see it grow? Before going in for a difficult conversation with your partner ask yourself – is your intention here for you to hear and understand each other or is your intention to discharge your pain on him or her? Because believe me, the words that will come out of your mouth will be completely different in these two scenarios and the situation will have the potential for two very different outcomes. And all of that just based on clearly stating your intention beforehand. It’s much harder to honestly say to yourself – I’m in a lot of pain because my partner said all these hurtful things to me but my intention is for us to understand each other and work this situation out so we can be stronger for it as an item – than to simply discharge your pain on him or her.
So I took it as a rule for myself – to live life with the power of intention on my side. It is much harder that way and much more raw, but living life intentionally gives us potential to lead more authentic full lives, express who we truly are and achieve more of what we truly want. When you’re about to make an important choice, just pause for a moment, take a deep breath and ask yourself – what is my intention here?