If you get up every morning and go to work there is a big chance that you are dressed up and have at least a slight make-up on. Your hair is done, your nails are done, and you are all sleek and chic. Why would that not be applicable to a woman who works from home or better at home? Cleaning up in a suit and on high heels – are you kidding me?! Agreed. That would be over the top. However, it has been proven that how we look influences how we feel and how we behave. A robe and a pair of cozy slippers, no make-up and a messed up hair is not going to discipline you! On the contrary, that relaxes way too much. And yes, of course, when you have small kids you think that you have an excuse – they will spill something on you, they will maybe even throw up on you, it’s all going to be too messy. And how does this explain that you didn’t comb your hair?
I can understand all the excuses: there were days when my second kid was just born and the first one was but 1,5 years that I didn’t care that much about how I look. That’s what I thought. And then I started feeling bad about myself. So it is not that I didn’t care, I just removed the item from my priority list, yet in the hindsight I shouldn’t have done that.
Nowadays, the only part where I compromise is the shoes, I do wear my favorite cozy UGG’s slippers. For the rest, I am picture-ready at all times. Usually I wear either a knee-high dress, or regular pants and a shirt or a turtleneck. I never use foundation or much make-up in general on any occasions, but: 1. pencil and brush for brows; 2. a bit of mascara; 3. lip balm; 4. hair comb and a bit of hair spray – these items are my everyday routine. It takes literally 5 minutes of my time and it immediately gives me a better feel about how I look.
That was my mistake which only made the process of an adaptation so much longer – I thought I could do without the knowledge of a local language. Actually there were three mistakes. First, I did not immediately recognize the need to learn the language; second, I was putting blame on others instead of myself; and third, I thought it will just stick by itself in the end.
Fluent in English in addition to my mother tongues – Russian and Latvian, with a decent French, some notions of German and Spanish I have moved to Belgium to do an MBA. In English. After that I started my PhD and working for the business school – likewise in English. I talk to my husband in English and – hey! – majority of Flemish at least understand English, but a lot even speak this language fluently. Why bother? And that was what I did for the first 4 years of my life in Belgium: I did not really bother. I was just getting frustrated at my Flemish colleagues in the business school talking Flemish in between themselves; I was just annoyed at the family parties when the family of my husband was talking Flemish. On top of that I always believed I was good at learning foreign languages and thought that Flemish will just stick somehow by itself without me putting any special effort into it. Besides, I was not sure that we will stay in Belgium.
What I do know now the later does not matter. Even if you are in the country for a short period of time – learn the language! Even if everybody understands English – learn the language! Especially if you are already undergoing a change in respect of your professional career and in general – your identity – learn the language! You will never be fully accepted in the society and will not feel good yourself if you are not able to communicate.
I totally lost 4 years and was still not sufficiently active in the following two. My knowledge of Flemish at this particular point in time is in terms of European classification something around 2B, which is a conversational with a good understanding. However, I am now finally putting a lot of effort in learning this language. A great tool I found recently is a DUOLINGO app for the iPhone. They also have a website, but I find it very convenient to use an app. Totally free, pleasantly diverse and overall I would even say an addicting way of learning with an offer of Dutch, Spanish, Italian and a bunch of other languages.
To note that also with respect to learning Flemish I apply the principle of the set time limit. It is a difficult, close to impossible, task when you have kids running around to find an hour to learn a language, but finding 4 time slots of 15 minutes at some point in a day is so much easier. Same total time, yet better output due to a more concentrated effort.