Tag Archives: duality

On the duality of our emotions

You can miss something and not want it back. Paulo Coelho.

I can feel sad that I no longer have the freedom I used to have before kids. And I sometimes do. There are moments when the persistence and intensity of the “missing” are especially high. I used to be afraid of those thoughts; I used to be shaving them off ruthlessly as something I am not supposed to have. Like: hey, girl, how dare you even think about it?! What are you saying: that you wish you have never had them?! No!!! God, no! That’s not what I was saying. I just said that I missed the time when I was a childless free girl. That’s it. Missing that doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids with all my heart and that doesn’t mean I wish they were never born. Which is more, I have never said I even want these times back, have I?…

A human being is a complicated organism, that’s a given. Even such polar emotions as love and hate can be perfectly entangled in an eternal dance. Those are emotions after all. We cannot control them. We can (and in fact, we’d better!) control the expressions of our emotions, however, emotions as such are outside our control. 

Just let them be. 

If emotions are blocked or denied it affects our physical state. For example, suppressed anger will most likely hit you with a headache or another type of ache. 

We are not our emotions, but our emotions are expressions of certain parts of our personality. If we feel a certain emotion, there must have been a trigger, while understanding that trigger and why it affects us can bring us a step closer to understanding who we are. 

I cannot stress it strong enough: it is OK to feel different emotions! Moreover, it is perfectly OK to feel polar emotions about certain subjects, especially if those subjects are complex and multifaceted. Feeling different emotions doesn’t make us good or bad; it makes us alive. 

What is also important to stress is that we frequently misinterpret our emotions. It might sound strange but think about it for a moment. Can you always tell fear from anger? What about disgust from jealousy? That’s a difficult one, you know, as a feeling of disgust on the surface might actually conceal jealousy deep inside. We can be annoyed by someone doing something we secretly want to do, but for this or that reason deny ourselves… Yes, exactly, there are layers! There are numerous layers of emotions…

Thus, the next time you feel the confusing and perhaps even polar emotions about something, don’t suppress them and most importantly, don’t start labeling yourself or shaming yourself. Let emotions be. Try to pause for a moment and just ask yourself why do you think you feel what you feel and what might be hiding underneath. Just consider this to be a good moment to get to know yourself a bit better.