How to hold on if you want to blow up, and should you?

There are numerous situations when you feel it: a wish to get yourself in a fight (and just “kill” your opponent). Frequently it is about politics, religion, morals, kids (oh, the last is a biggie!) There are more subjects where we tend to have a strong opinion, an opinion, which we are eager to defend. The question is: how far should we and should we actually? 

On one hand, if we are boiling inside and we won’t let the steam out, that might backfire big time. Suspending emotions, especially bad ones, is not good as for our psyche, as for the general health. Ever heard of psychosomatic illnesses? Some even claim almost every illness is psychosomatic… 

On the other hand, should we explode exactly where “detonated”? Or maybe you can walk away and let the “steam out” in a different way, be it in the gym, the shooting gallery, your psychologist’s office or a cafe with a good friend, able to listen to your frustrations. 

If someone says something you don’t agree with, something that goes against your beliefs, should you fiercely defend your position? Should you escalate the conflict? 

It is totally up to you of course, yet the questions you need to answer for yourself are:

  • do I want to persuade a person she is wrong? Can I actually do it? Or whatever I say, her opinion won’t change?
  • What will I feel if the argument only escalates? Will it worsen my feelings or will I feel a relief that I still made my point?
  • Does it truly matter to you what the other person thinks?

You see, any argument drains your energy. That’s a given. You can choose to do it; totally up to you, yet it’s good to understand the consequences and the impact your decision has. That first and foremost on yourself. 

Thus, I would say, you might want to hold on just because it might make more sense in this particular situation. Rationally. And that is also the answer to the question how to hold on? Rationally! If you decide to walk away from the fight, the argument or the escalation of negativity, just ask yourself the above questions. The answers will allow you to make the best choice for yourself.

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