All posts by Maria Boicova-Wynants

European Trademark Attorney, Mediator, IP Strategy Consultant, Founding Partner at Wynants&Co Strategic IP Solutions, Partner at Starks IP and International Trade Law firm
Hobby, Kids, Philosophy, Sport

A game of life: Why teaching your kids to play golf is a good idea

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It was my long-term dream to learn to play golf and finally last summer my husband and myself took golf lessons and obtained our green cards to get us onto a golf course. Our kids also participate in the game but so far mostly by bringing back the practice balls when I am pitching in the garden (using kids labor, I know!). However we do intend to teach them the actual game of golf in the near future. Why do I think it is a good idea? The short answer would be a quote on the matter by Bobby Jones:

“Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots – but you have to play the ball where it lies“.

Golf is by no means a lazy and boring sport of the old fat rich men. Yes, it is still not cheap yet neither is tennis or hockey or skiing. And with respect to gear: there is a huge second-hand market for clubs and bags if you want to minimize costs. I got my first basic set of clubs together with a bag  and a whole bunch of balls for 50 eur.

Playing golf good requires you to be in a decent physical condition, as every golf stroke uses numerous muscles on core, hamstring, shoulder and wrist. It is highly addictive and once you are in you’re in for good. I actually do love everything about golf: from the actual game to an equipment and an outfit of a golfer.

A bit off-top: if you are struggling to find good-fitting pants (which a lot do!), try looking in the golf shop. Golf pants are simply the best pants you can get! They usually have a perfect fit, with a bit of lycra in them, and you don’t really need to go for the insane golfer’s checkers, as the choice of classic colors is also abundant.

However, I am deviating from the answer to why would that particular sport be a good idea to introduce kids to. Mostly not because of the so to-say “physical qualities” of the game, but because of its philosophy, because of the underlying principles of golf.

Golf teaches you a number of life lessons that are also useful to teach to kids:

  • Golf teaches you honesty and integrity. When you are playing you are also the one keeping track of your strokes. It is not really done to cheat in golf.
  • Golf teaches you strategy. It is not just about hitting the ball, it is about hitting the ball while already thinking about your next stroke. If there is, for example, a water hazard in front it might be a good idea to go a bit side-wise first in order to be able to succeed at your next stroke.
  • Golf teaches you humility. Even when you are a PRO, even when you have a great technique and perfect clubs, the game can still go wrong. You learn that sometimes a human effort is really futile and sometimes you are just damn lucky.
  • Golf teaches you endurance. The average game of 18 holes takes about 4-4,5 hours and implies walking for 8-10 kilometers (unless of course you take a golf-cart, you lazy bastard!) And by the way, walking outside, breathing fresh air, enjoying the beautiful greens of a golf course – isn’t that what’s called “healthy lifestyle”?
  • Golf teaches you that your main opponent is yourself. You can of course participate in different competitions, but you can also go solo. And competition or not, it is anyway about your score against objective par (number of strokes allowed to get a golf ball in a hole) that matters the most.
  • Golf teaches you not mere equality but fairness. You can equally play golf with those who are stronger and with those who are weaker players which is not possible in other sports. Thanks to the adjustment that the handicap system provides, your allowed stroke count on each hole is calculated based on your handicap. That means that you as an amateur can play together with a professional golfer and maybe even beat him in the particular match-play (because he is allowed e.g. 3 strokes, but your handicap gives you additional 3 strokes on that hole). So you will not feel yourself a loser!
  • But above all golf teaches you to enjoy. I will add another quote here (but in the context of kids, better park it until their adulthood!): “Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them“. So true! (giggle)

In other words, this sport is a unique combination of being a way to stay toned and energized and at the same time being a teacher of important life lessons. Hence, thumbs up, golf, you’re on my kids to-do list!

P.S. This year is also special for golf because for the first time since 1904 golf is included in the list of sports for the Summer 2016 Olympic Games – hurrah!

 

 

Household, Philosophy

Exceptional every-day: why I don’t keep much items for special occasions only

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This short post is about let’s call it – my life philosophy with respect to everyday items. Throughout my life, I have seen a lot of people having two sets of items: the ones for everyday use and the ones that they take out on special occasions only. That always left me puzzled as to why would anyone do this.

Personally, I like to surround myself with beautiful items. I like comfort. I like luxury. And I don’t understand why people drink from a broken cup if they have a good cup standing in a cupboard for those special occasions. Which special occasions? When somebody comes for a visit? When you have a party? When you win the lottery? What is so special about those special occasions? Why doesn’t your every day deserve to be exceptional? What if today is your last day? No, ok even without being fatalistic, I still believe in the beauty of today and I truly want to enjoy it to its fullest. I like when my dining table is nicely set. I like when a dinner I serve looks maybe not totally haute-cuisine yet at least has some presentation effort in it. I like to dress up. I like having nice decor items at home… I can go on further, but the bottom line is – I like to be surrounded by beauty. It energizes me! 

Old broken items clutter your home and drain energy and that is precisely why I never keep them. Yes, you might have that favorite high school coffee cup that you were drinking from when you were writing your thesis. It has a sentimental value to it. But look it at: it has a crack, the paint is off, and your taste changed from drinking brewed coffee with tons of milk and sugar to having a properly made Americano. It doesn’t fit who you are anymore, it doesn’t fit your taste anymore. Isn’t it time to let go?

Obviously, with clothes you will have items for special occasions, for instance, you are not going to wear an evening dress in your everyday life, or a strict suit or alike. However, as for me, I don’t have that much of those items. And also with clothes: for example, I never keep a new dress for that very special moment that maybe will come one day. I make that special moment today because my today is always exceptional.

Kids, Psychology, Self-development

Blending cultural identities: raising multicultural kids when you are culturally homeless

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“Who are you and where are you from?” – these two questions are supposed to define ourselves but for a lot of people they are very difficult to answer. If somebody asks me now: “Where are you from?” what should I reply? I am from Belgium, however I am not Belgian. I am originally from Latvia, I hold Latvian nationality, I did my University studies in Latvian and worked in that language. I have a mother tongue fluency in Latvian and a solid knowledge of history and culture of Latvia, yet… I am not Latvian. I am ethnically Russian, but I have only been to Russia twice and not to, so-to-say, “deep-Russia” but to Moscow and Saint-Petersburg, and for a total of less than 3 weeks. What I remember vividly from those trips is that I was culturally shocked in what I believed to be my culture. I consider English to be my home language now because this is the language I talk percentage-wise the most: and with my husband and with a lot of my friends. Those who hear me talk English without knowing that this ain’t my mother tongue based on the accent assume I am American. Yet I am obviously neither American (haven’t even been to the States yet), nor even technically English-speaking as such. I was born in the Soviet Union, however the Soviet Union broke down before I even started elementary school, so for those who understand – I haven’t even had a chance to be oktyabryonok. Wait, it gets worse! Even my name – in my Belgian ID my family name is “Wynants”, yet in my Latvian passport – I am “Vinantsa” transliterated according to Latvian language rules. So who am I and where am I from actually? To think about it – I am culturally homeless.

If things are so complex with myself how am I supposed to raise my kids? And who are my kids going to be? Belgian? Wait, there is no “Belgian” as in this country things are also kinda mixed up. Flemish? But they are exposed to Russian culture and language a lot, and their first words were in Russian. Plus, they hear hell of a lot of English and to my horror (giggle) start to understand it as well, despite the fact that we never directly address them in English. So this is a difficult question that I am still in the process of exploring it for myself, thus I am always eager to hear other people’s experiences and thoughts.

While researching the subject myself I have stumbled upon a term “Third Culture Kids” (there are quite a few TED-videos on the subject if someone is interested). The term “third culture kid” or TCK itself was first coined in the mid-20 century to describe the children of American citizens working and living abroad. The “third culture” comes from the fact that parents have one culture, the place where a family lives has another culture, but the kids raised in such circumstances create a sort of an amalgamation of two cultures mentioned to create something of their own – hence the third culture. However, I do consider that with globalization and with an enhanced mobility this term should be expanded to include all those people who grew up under a significant impact of diverse cultures. It is no longer a 20 km life! More and more people are born in one place, go study to another, then go working to yet another and settle somewhere completely else with somebody from a different culture, and maybe after a while are again on the move. This is a reality already now and it will be even more so when today’s kids grow up. So the question “Where are you from?” is no longer simple.

On the one hand this sort of cultural homelessness creates a lot of difficulties in self-identification, but on the bright side this also brings enormous opportunities, such as an expanded worldview, an enhanced cultural intelligence, a 3D view of the world if you will. But then again, consider a situation: a family is sitting in front of TV watching, let’s say, football. Which national team is everyone supporting? Think about it for a moment. This silly example portrays a situation which might be psychologically difficult for parents to accept. We are talking about confused loyalties, about different values, about accepting that your kid doesn’t share your identity. But then again, the beauty is that you have a choice. Nowadays you can choose to define yourself not just based on the ethnicity, not based on the location where you were born or where you currently live. You can choose to define yourself by different categories: by your own personal values, by your own beliefs and not just by a tag somebody placed on you. Thus, there are for sure lots and lots of positive consequences of blending cultures if you approach the subject with an open mind.

Also as a parent there are myriads of benefits that you are able to give your kids (language, traditions, literature, perception, even food habits,…) provided that you yourself are open and willing to expand your personal worldview; if you are willing to explore your own culture and the other cultures you encounter on your way. Without prejudice, without judging, with a sincere wish to understand and enrich yourself. I guess that would help us all a lot and would allow to raise a truly multicultural people of the future.

 

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Kids, Lifehack

Traveling with kids: How to survive and keep your sanity

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My husband and I have always been traveling quite extensively and once our kids were born we decided not to stop the habit. Thus we do some city trips now and then (like we went to the National Sea Center Nausicaa in Boulogne-sur-Mer to celebrate our first son’s birthday), we go to visit interesting places (also not just interesting for kids, but interesting first and foremost for ourselves – e.g. recently we went to see the Moses bridge in the Netherlands). Additionally, my family still lives in Latvia and my granny is already relatively old which makes regular air travel a necessity. We traveled with our daughter by plane for the first time when she was couple of month old, with our son – when he was just one month old. Since then we accumulated quite some air miles. Also by car during the last 3 years we traveled both short and very long distances (like 2000 kms one way). Although I am in no way guru of traveling with kids, throughout our experiences we have accumulated a list of useful and tried tips and tricks on how to survive and keep your sanity while traveling with your precious little monsters angels. Some of the tips are more about air travel but most of them are applicable with adaptations to other means of transportation as well.

So, let’s begin:

1. First and foremost, attitude is everything. Things tend to go wrong at the moments least expected. Try to go with a flow and try to keep your cool. Kids are little radars that very easily pick up their parents mood. So if you become irritated and cranky prepare to have your little ones go even more berserk.

2. Factor in some spare time. This is a difficult one because, for example, with air travel you don’t want to be at an airport too early as you would simply go nuts waiting. On the other hand, you don’t want to rush in at the last moment and then discover that you have a so-to-say toilet accident that you need to urgently solve. You need to reasonably add something like in between 15 minutes and half an hour to your usual timing – that would normally do. Same for traveling by car – factor in additional stops on top of what you would normally do yourself.

3. Have antibacterial wipes, wet tissues and just normal paper tissues easily accessible. And by easily accessible I mean not just in your handbag or diaper bag, have a small version in your pocket that you can take out in no time. And speaking about pockets…

4. Wear clothes with pockets! It is not the idea to look like Anatoly Wasserman but he has some point. It is very handy when you can have the above mentioned tissues, or a small toy to immediately act upon a possible emergency. Also for passports and boarding passes – you need to show those things way too many times so better have them by hand (in case of documents opt for an inside pocket or the one which you can close securely).

5. A toddler can have his or her own bag. That saves space in your hand luggage and gives a toddler a feeling of involvement (allow him to pack, but by all means check and adjust afterwards!). Just don’t choose these cute pull-ones with wheels, as they twist and turn all ways and you will end up carrying that uncomfortable thingy yourself in addition to everything else you already have. A small backpack is the best choice.

6. Have some plastic bags (preferably zip lock but usual ones would also do) in an easy-to-reach spot.

7. For everyone kids included opt for the shoes that are easy to put on and get off. In an airport that will save you some time at the security check; and on the long-distance car ride you would want to take your shoes off in the car to relax your feet but be ready to run out fast if your toddler suddenly (and urgently) needs to pee.

8. Where there are kids, things tend to get messy and clothes might get dirty so make sure you have some spare clothes nearby. Here I prefer to pick the ones that are more or less suitable for both of my kids – a little bit too small for my daughter, a little bit too big for my son, yet overall fitting both of them; and from fabrics that are easy to roll. And in general…

9. … roll your clothes. There are numerous ways of how to efficiently pack your luggage but I personally choose rolling. When done properly you can stash a lot of things in less space. Also stuffing socks and underwear inside shoes allows to use the otherwise unused space to its full capacity. To optimally use the luggage weight allowance when traveling by air try to wear your heaviest clothes instead of putting them in your luggage.

10. Have that additional moment of going to the bathroom and change even seemingly clean diapers closer to departure (for air travel). It is feasible to do it while on board but so much easier when don’t have to.

11. Of course you don’t expect to lose your little one in a crowd yet better safe than sorry so either get an ID-bracelet or write your mobile phone number on the inside of kids clothes, or even just write it on their arms.

12. Explain to your kids what will happen, what they should do in case they are lost… It is not going to work with small kids of course, but repetition does wonders. And in general I am very much pro explaining everything even to an infant.

13. Have some entertainment for kids ready but give it out in small doses (by no means all at once!) You know your kid better than anyone so you know if a coloring book works better than a toy car, so pick. There is no need to have a lot of stuff (2-3 different activities would do). If you have an iPad, pre-load some offline games. If you have a small tablet-PC put some cartoons on. If you opt for electronic devices make sure they are fully charged, otherwise a cartoon stopped in the middle will cause more drama than it was supposed to avoid.

14. A good idea for a bit older kid would also be a child-friendly photo-camera. That is a great stimulation of creativity for them but can also produce unexpectedly nice artistic results to add to your family photo-album.

15. There was a good advice on one of the websites – ignore the idiots and don’t be one yourself. Some people don’t like kids in general, irrespective of how well-behaving they might be, so imagine if they are not? Don’t ignore other people or intentionally annoy them but also don’t stress too much about what somebody thinks about you or your off-springs.

16. Wear kids out! Let them run when it is possible to run. Let them explore when it is possible to explore. Let them shout when it is possible to shout. Traveling is a great experience for your little ones, so let them experience everything to its fullest. And also in the airport, let them run around (reasonably!) before they will be confined to sitting still in an airplane for hours.

17. Finally, also for the air travel, make sure to make them drink or chew on something at take-off and landing otherwise those little ears will hurt. Nurse if you are nursing, give a bottle, or if a kid totally refuses to drink – give them a gummy bear! Long live Harribo’s! What also helps if a kid is already screaming from ear-pain – gently massage the area around their ears, that normally helps to relieve the pain a bit.

18. Couple of words about car seats and buggy’s during air travel. When our kids were infants we took car seat (Maxi Cosi) with us on the plane as it was used also on the buggy. Rules depend airline per airline but usually you are allowed to take Maxi Cosi and sometimes even keep it during the flight on the chair next to you. Otherwise the flight attendant will take it away while already in the cabin and give it back to you after you land. As for the buggy usually you have two options: either to check it in together with your check-in luggage or keep it until the plane. So far we went for the latter, as even if a kid doesn’t want to sit in a buggy anymore, you can use it to put all your hand luggage. As an additional bonus, with a buggy you usually get through a fast security check.

 

Some additional comments on traveling with an infant

The great thing about infants that are breastfed and can be carried in a sling is that they can be breastfed and be carried in a sling! Both points make traveling with them much easier than with an overly active toddler. When my kids were infants I had a set of breastfeeding clothes and a light blanket to cover-up and I always found a place where I can breastfeed as discreetly as possible. In the airport sometimes you can get into the lounge, or almost always go to a chapel. On the city trip you can find a quiet place in the park or in some cafe’s. I have breastfed even in a church once while on our city-trip to Paris… To note that I was always sufficiently discreet and covered-up so no one could actually tell that I am breastfeeding anyway. Breastfeeding while traveling by car is even less of a trouble – you can just pull over, make a kid happy and move on – to explore the world together.

 

And finally – some general tips which make sense even traveling without your precious little ones:

1. Take pictures or make scans of your passports and other documents and e-mail them to yourself. In that way if you ever lose your documents you will spare yourself lots of time while you’ll be replacing them.

2. Have a last-moment to-do list with things you need to still do right before you leave, for example: plug-out coffee maker, switch off water (in case applicable), take out garbage, finish that pack of juice that’s been open for 2 days,… whatever there is. If you actually have it all written down and you scratch items off as you take care of them that would improve your “pre-departure” efficiency and remove at least some stress.

3. I like spontaneity but it helps when you have at least a draft of your plan for the day. You need to stay flexible (and especially with kids) but you need to know at least in general lines where would you like to go and what would you like to do or see.

 

And I’ll wrap up with what I have started – most importantly enjoy your travel experience and stay positive! Attitude is everything!

Lifestyle Balance, Psychology

Protecting wings from being cut

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While browsing through my Facebook I stumbled upon an interesting question posed in one of the groups – “Who is cutting your wings?”. Replies split almost equally between those who were blaming themselves and those who identified some external sources of influence: like a husband, family, friends, colleagues. It made me think about dreams, about identifying them in the first place and daring to follow them. And about all those moments when you are so inspired and uplifted, yet all your enthusiasm is crushed like a bug on the ground by someone whose opinion you value. Those moments when you feel good about yourself, but are made feel worthless; when you are, as Russians say, multiplied by zero; when your dreams are shattered and wings are cut…

… But let me start with identifying dreams first because “if one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable” (Seneca).

Long time ago when I was something like 17 or 18 years old (damn, I am old!) inspired by the movie “The Secret” I made my first list of wishes, hopes and dreams. There were 100 items from all possible categories starting with things I want, moving onto experiences I want, even places I would like to visit. Dreaming without any limitations, without thinking whether you can afford that, whether you are physically or mentally capable of doing that at the moment – dreaming without analyzing. I remember that it was fairly simple to write down the first 50 items or so, yet to reach the number 100 it took me almost a week. I looked at my old list couple of months ago and  – it’s almost complete! Some items were scratched off because I don’t want them anymore, however the majority of my wishes and dreams has actually realized. In the hindsight there were quite a few items in that list that back then were simply impossible for this or that reason: like going to China or learning to play golf, or studying abroad or having “Manolo Blahnik” shoes. Guess what: I went to China as part of my MBA studies (done abroad), I learned to play golf last summer and pretty much like in “Sex and the City” my husband proposed me putting on beige “Manolo Blahnik” shoes on my feet.

Few yet unrealized items are now transferred to my “Life plan” – which is an extensive list divided in 6 categories covering all the main aspects of my life – lifestyle, health, emotional well-being, financials, personal development and vocation and family (I will talk about how to write it in one of the future posts). Yes, a bit insane, I know. However, knowing precisely what I would like in my life and with my life creates a good focus. Just for a giggle – if tomorrow I am going to win “Euromillions” then I know precisely where and how I will spend that money. Yet also if it never happens I am pretty convinced that somehow there will be a way to get everything that I want. Even (and maybe especially) if I don’t see that way at this moment in time.

Now after dreams are identified comes a more difficult part – daring to follow your dreams and this is where wings are often cut…

I am lucky to be supported at all times by at least one person in whatever crazy initiatives I would like to pursue. I always believed in myself but for success it is psychologically important to have or find that other person who also believes in you no matter what. When I was growing up I always had my mother by my side. My mother has never questioned my dreams, never put me down saying that something is not possible and or is not for me. She never reminded me of past failures. She inspired me and lifted me up when I felt down. She was there for me when after the first course at a law faculty I decided to switch from a full-time to a part-time program because I believed that if I work simultaneously I will achieve more. I remember a lot of friends at that moment saying that I am making a mistake, killing my inspiration and enthusiasm about actual legal job with comments like: “in this way you are going to fail your studies and are not going to get far anyway”. I graduated with 7,62 on 10, having four years of legal experience including representation before the court behind my belt. The same repeated when I quit my job and decided to do an MBA. I have been told by almost everyone around me that I was making a huge mistake, that I am jeopardizing my future, that I will regret and that I will never be admitted to the business school anyway, yada yada yada. And once again, my mother was there for me, protecting my wings from being cut. I have several stories like that where only with a support of my mother, with her unconditional belief in me that I succeeded, and I am eternally grateful to her for that.

This type of support is what I hope to be able to give my kids as well – to be there for them to protect their wings from being cut.

 

P.S. It is easier when you are supported, I understand. But even if you don’t have that person or people that believe in you at this moment, at least don’t betray yourself – don’t give up on yourself! Ever. There was a great quote by Walt Disney (yeah, a second quote in a short text, but it somehow fits) –

“If you can dream it, you can do it!”

– So don’t stop dreaming! Believe in yourself and your dreams! And go for them! You will find the ones who will support you along the way!