Work-life balance when you don’t have a salaried job

What defines “work-life” balance? And can we speak of a “work-life” balance of a stay-at-home mother that doesn’t have a salaried job?

On one hand, somebody might say that all she has is “life”. However, on the other, I’d bet many stay-at-home mothers strongly believe that all they have is “work” with a tiny speck of “life” on it. The funny thing – there is a grain of truth in both statements. If it energizes you or relaxes you even household chores can qualify as “life”. And at the same time, if your toddler drives you crazy with yet another hysterical outburst that accounts for “work” on your balance. Thus, I guess more accurate would be to talk about a balance between “what drains your energy?” and “what replenishes your energy?”. And this is very relevant for everybody whether you do have or do not have a salaried job, and actually in general whether you are a mother or not.

We need energy to stay alive. We need nutrition for our bodies and, maybe even more importantly, we need nutrition for our minds and soul. Same as with food our taste for, so-to-say, “moral energy” differs. The only thing that is constant is that we really truly need it, otherwise sooner or later we will break down… And if this happens to a mother it is a disaster for a whole family.

Did you pay attention to the security information announced before every flight? “In case of a sudden loss of cabin pressure… <…> Passengers traveling with small children should put on their own oxygen mask first“. It might be somewhat counter-intuitive, because you as a mother, are focused first of all on the safety and well-being of your kids, your kids are the most important thing in life and that’s true. Yet, what is also true is that your kids need you and if you break down that’s going to be a tragedy for them. I wouldn’t want that my kids experience this so I make sure my energy is replenished.

Personally, I get energy:

  • when I create: a new poem, a new cake, a new embroidery…;
  • when I go to an opera or a theater, or at least listen to some good old Bach or Mozart;
  • when I play golf;
  • when I lie in a jacuzzi in a SPA-center;
  • when I have my second cup of coffee in the morning (first one is usually a ristretto or a dopio that is consumed in a moment and serves the only purpose of opening my eyes, but the second one is a latte that I enjoy without a hurry);
  • when I read a good book;
  • when I play with Lego-blocks together with my kids. Yes! That is so zen!
  • I am not a religious person, but somehow and especially when I am traveling, I like to get into a church and sit there for a little while. It also gives me sort of energy. Maybe it is because of the special aura of a church, or maybe it is because the huge Gothic construction of a lot of European churches makes you realize how a human being is simultaneously tiny compared to all this greatness and magnificent because he in fact co-created this greatness (and here I am purely talking about admiration of an architectural beauty).
  • sometimes even just having a long walk with a kid in a buggy (preferably with a sleeping (!) kid in a buggy)…

There are lots of ways how energy can be replenished, but most importantly it has to be replenished. For everybody. And especially for a stay-at-home mother who does have a lot of stuff that drains her energy out.

So don’t forget to put on your own oxygen mask when there is a loss of cabin pressure and… preferably before it gets too late.

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