In one of the questionnaires I filled up recently there was a question if I prefer to live in a city or in the countryside and why. By now I lived in both and actually I did like both. Having been born and raised in a city, more than two years ago I switched its comfort for the beauty of the countryside. Before that I had never even stayed in the countryside for more than a week. Moreover, I could not have even imagined myself ever moving out of the city. And here I am now… Continue reading Village vs. City: Pros and cons of living in the countryside
What defines “work-life” balance? And can we speak of a “work-life” balance of a stay-at-home mother that doesn’t have a salaried job?
On one hand, somebody might say that all she has is “life”. However, on the other, I’d bet many stay-at-home mothers strongly believe that all they have is “work” with a tiny speck of “life” on it. The funny thing – there is a grain of truth in both statements. If it energizes you or relaxes you even household chores can qualify as “life”. And at the same time, if your toddler drives you crazy with yet another hysterical outburst that accounts for “work” on your balance. Thus, I guess more accurate would be to talk about a balance between “what drains your energy?” and “what replenishes your energy?”. And this is very relevant for everybody whether you do have or do not have a salaried job, and actually in general whether you are a mother or not.
We need energy to stay alive. We need nutrition for our bodies and, maybe even more importantly, we need nutrition for our minds and soul. Same as with food our taste for, so-to-say, “moral energy” differs. The only thing that is constant is that we really truly need it, otherwise sooner or later we will break down… And if this happens to a mother it is a disaster for a whole family.
Did you pay attention to the security information announced before every flight? “In case of a sudden loss of cabin pressure… <…> Passengers traveling with small children should put on their own oxygen mask first“. It might be somewhat counter-intuitive, because you as a mother, are focused first of all on the safety and well-being of your kids, your kids are the most important thing in life and that’s true. Yet, what is also true is that your kids need you and if you break down that’s going to be a tragedy for them. I wouldn’t want that my kids experience this so I make sure my energy is replenished.
Personally, I get energy:
- when I create: a new poem, a new cake, a new embroidery…;
- when I go to an opera or a theater, or at least listen to some good old Bach or Mozart;
- when I play golf;
- when I lie in a jacuzzi in a SPA-center;
- when I have my second cup of coffee in the morning (first one is usually a ristretto or a dopio that is consumed in a moment and serves the only purpose of opening my eyes, but the second one is a latte that I enjoy without a hurry);
- when I read a good book;
- when I play with Lego-blocks together with my kids. Yes! That is so zen!
- I am not a religious person, but somehow and especially when I am traveling, I like to get into a church and sit there for a little while. It also gives me sort of energy. Maybe it is because of the special aura of a church, or maybe it is because the huge Gothic construction of a lot of European churches makes you realize how a human being is simultaneously tiny compared to all this greatness and magnificent because he in fact co-created this greatness (and here I am purely talking about admiration of an architectural beauty).
- sometimes even just having a long walk with a kid in a buggy (preferably with a sleeping (!) kid in a buggy)…
There are lots of ways how energy can be replenished, but most importantly it has to be replenished. For everybody. And especially for a stay-at-home mother who does have a lot of stuff that drains her energy out.
So don’t forget to put on your own oxygen mask when there is a loss of cabin pressure and… preferably before it gets too late.
It was my long-term dream to learn to play golf and finally last summer my husband and myself took golf lessons and obtained our green cards to get us onto a golf course. Our kids also participate in the game but so far mostly by bringing back the practice balls when I am pitching in the garden (using kids labor, I know!). However we do intend to teach them the actual game of golf in the near future. Why do I think it is a good idea? The short answer would be a quote on the matter by Bobby Jones:
“Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots – but you have to play the ball where it lies“.
Golf is by no means a lazy and boring sport of the old fat rich men. Yes, it is still not cheap yet neither is tennis or hockey or skiing. And with respect to gear: there is a huge second-hand market for clubs and bags if you want to minimize costs. I got my first basic set of clubs together with a bag and a whole bunch of balls for 50 eur.
Playing golf good requires you to be in a decent physical condition, as every golf stroke uses numerous muscles on core, hamstring, shoulder and wrist. It is highly addictive and once you are in you’re in for good. I actually do love everything about golf: from the actual game to an equipment and an outfit of a golfer.
A bit off-top: if you are struggling to find good-fitting pants (which a lot do!), try looking in the golf shop. Golf pants are simply the best pants you can get! They usually have a perfect fit, with a bit of lycra in them, and you don’t really need to go for the insane golfer’s checkers, as the choice of classic colors is also abundant.
However, I am deviating from the answer to why would that particular sport be a good idea to introduce kids to. Mostly not because of the so to-say “physical qualities” of the game, but because of its philosophy, because of the underlying principles of golf.
Golf teaches you a number of life lessons that are also useful to teach to kids:
- Golf teaches you honesty and integrity. When you are playing you are also the one keeping track of your strokes. It is not really done to cheat in golf.
- Golf teaches you strategy. It is not just about hitting the ball, it is about hitting the ball while already thinking about your next stroke. If there is, for example, a water hazard in front it might be a good idea to go a bit side-wise first in order to be able to succeed at your next stroke.
- Golf teaches you humility. Even when you are a PRO, even when you have a great technique and perfect clubs, the game can still go wrong. You learn that sometimes a human effort is really futile and sometimes you are just damn lucky.
- Golf teaches you endurance. The average game of 18 holes takes about 4-4,5 hours and implies walking for 8-10 kilometers (unless of course you take a golf-cart, you lazy bastard!) And by the way, walking outside, breathing fresh air, enjoying the beautiful greens of a golf course – isn’t that what’s called “healthy lifestyle”?
- Golf teaches you that your main opponent is yourself. You can of course participate in different competitions, but you can also go solo. And competition or not, it is anyway about your score against objective par (number of strokes allowed to get a golf ball in a hole) that matters the most.
- Golf teaches you not mere equality but fairness. You can equally play golf with those who are stronger and with those who are weaker players which is not possible in other sports. Thanks to the adjustment that the handicap system provides, your allowed stroke count on each hole is calculated based on your handicap. That means that you as an amateur can play together with a professional golfer and maybe even beat him in the particular match-play (because he is allowed e.g. 3 strokes, but your handicap gives you additional 3 strokes on that hole). So you will not feel yourself a loser!
- But above all golf teaches you to enjoy. I will add another quote here (but in the context of kids, better park it until their adulthood!): “Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them“. So true! (giggle)
In other words, this sport is a unique combination of being a way to stay toned and energized and at the same time being a teacher of important life lessons. Hence, thumbs up, golf, you’re on my kids to-do list!
P.S. This year is also special for golf because for the first time since 1904 golf is included in the list of sports for the Summer 2016 Olympic Games – hurrah!
I am writing this post for a couple of reasons.
The first one is probably just to reassure myself once again that I am not actually downshifting, but on the contrary – I am applying everything that I have ever learned, I am progressing and moving forward not only in personal growth but also in terms of professional development.
The second one is even more emotional. There is a thing that was really bothering me – the phrase that I heard from somebody – “if you decided to be a stay-at-home mother in the end, why did you even bother to do an MBA?” And here I come to the second reason for writing this post – an external affirmation. Even though I claim that I do not care that much what other people say about me, even though I do insist that I have accepted my new identity (maybe… yeah, ok, still in the process), the lack of an external affirmation cannot be denied. But that is so not fair!
Being a stay-at-home mother in itself requires me to use all the skills and knowledge that I obtained both in my working life and in all my studies. Mediation? Try resolving a conflict over who get this or that toy! Negotiation skills? Try persuading the toddler to eat her soup! Operations management? Household! Corporate finance? Well, family finances in general, as well as investments and expenses are so far still pretty much on track with us. I will get back to MBA and its applicability to my life as a stay-at-home mother in more detail later on.
Yes, one can clean the house and buy groceries and pick up kids from school without having studied at one of the back then best European business schools. Yes, it is possible. Likewise, being a manager and even being a consultant is possible without an MBA. What I have learned in my professional career was that a lot of things are just a matter of common sense and a bit of an outside view on the problem. If you are smart, creative and able to learn you are able to reinvent the wheel yourself.
Here! Reason number one: you get an MBA and learn all those things like “lean operations”, “marketing mix”, “strategy execution”, “BATNA” and so on to be able to just do whatever you do without reinventing the wheel. In that way you just become more efficient. Also as a stay-at-home mother!
Reason number two: it was actually during my year-off to study an MBA that I actually took a first moment to think about myself, my values, my priorities. Maybe back then, during that year I still did not decide what I want, but I for sure did decide what I do not want. I now, more than ever before, have a choice.
As a final note, Tim Ferris had a great phrase in his book on 4-hour workweek: “It’s not giving up to put your current path on the indefinite pause“. It is not if you did an MBA that you now have to go and kill yourself working for a large consultancy firm (unless that’s what you really want); and if you decided to stop whatever you are doing and change a course, it is your choice. Your life. You don’t owe anything to anybody in this respect. And if you really truly want to go back, you will. And that will also be your and only your choice.