Tag Archives: daily philosophy

The price of getting what you want…

There is a phrase which is literally haunting me recently.

I was following a course on writing and, when studying about Neil Gaiman, I came across a quote from one of his books:

But he did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the prize, their heart’s desire, their dream… But the price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted.”

Reminiscent of the classic “be careful what you wish for”, Gaiman’s version makes the idea sound much more powerful. Imagine that your dreams of, say, ten years ago suddenly realized? It could very well be that some of your wishes you still cherish and long for, but in ten years people tend to change. At least I did. Ten years ago I had a different life, different wishes, different dreams, and desires. Lots of things changed since then and by “lots of things” I mean — everything!

It could be that you cannot relate to the ten-year span. Take 20. Or 15. Maybe 30. You see, the number does not really matter. The truth is, that we tend to change, so do our dreams. Sometimes we realize that we have misunderstood ourselves; sometimes we better understand the price we need to pay, the opportunity costs if you will.

Be careful what you wish for.

I try. I have always tried. However, having heard that phrase of Gaiman I suddenly felt a cold shiver down my spine. There are things I wanted, which by no means would I want now. They would cost me too much. I would even accept never to have things that I do want at this moment if the price for them is… having those old dreams realize.

“The price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted.” — a scary thought.

On the other hand, would that mean that we should not dream at all out of the fear of dreaming “wrong”? I don’t think so either. I believe in the power of dreams, and in the power of dreaming. I wouldn’t want to forgo it. However, some of our dreams take hold of us and we give them all our energy. Those dreams can become our obsessions and that is where the trouble might be lurking. Even though it is impossible to predict what kind of people we will become in the future, what would our situations be, and what new dreams will arise in us, we are able to learn to understand ourselves now, in this very moment. We are able to understand what is it we are actually dreaming of. Moreover, with some reflection, we are also perfectly capable of understanding the opportunity costs.

In my work as a mediator and as a personal buddy (“wise friend for rent”) I have seen many situations when a person thinks s/he wants something, but s/he actually hasn’t reflected on that wish good enough. By “good enough” I mean understanding (1) why? and (2) what is s/he willing to pay?

You might have heard of the psychological exercise the “five why’s”. In essence for any dream or ardent wish, you have to ask yourself “why?” five times (or at least as many as needed to get to the core).

Let’s take the following hypothetical example: I want to travel around the world.

  • because I like exploring new cultures and new places;
  • because it enriches my life with experiences;
  • because I see differences and reflect on them, and that makes me question things I am accustomed to;
  • because in that way I can improve my life;
  • because I believe in progress and making progress makes me happy.

Note that for every subsequent answer there are also options other than traveling around the world. Basically every “because” comes with a set of assumptions. You assume that traveling around the world would allow you to explore new cultures for example. Maybe it will, but that largely depends on the way you intend to travel and things you are planning to do while traveling. However, maybe your underlying wish of exploring new cultures could be realized by being active in the local expat community. It might very well be that traveling around the world still is the right way for you. Nevertheless, it is good to understand that there are also other ways to cater to your underlying needs. Be it as it may, every dream comes with a price; and before vesting too much energy in that dream, it is best to understand its price.

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Don’t “call me maybe”… or why I am not that fond of phone calls

I heard that this is one of the traits of my generation, but I will refrain from generalizing and speak about myself. I don’t like calls. I don’t like calling myself and I hate when people call me. For a long time I thought I am just scared of calling, in other words that I have some issues with my self-esteem or whatever. Yet that’s not true. Let me explain.

Imagine a setting: I have eventually after a struggle of more than half an hour got our baby to close her eyes and snooze. Precious time! Now I have a moment for myself, a moment to relax, or a moment to finally get down to writing an article or working on something else. My time! And then there is a call… A call that will wake up the baby and that will totally screw up my plans. A call that could have been a message, an email or better — not be there at all. 

I truly don’t get the point of all those cold calls from companies trying to push you their super-amazing offer. Look, if I need something, I will find the information and arrange it myself. You cannot sell it to me by a cold call. For the record, I really feel for people whose job involves cold calling, as I can imagine how many people just hang up on them or even say something rude. I also hang up, yet usually saying: “Thanks, not interested. Have a nice day! Bye!”. Ultimately that’s also hanging up, but at least not so rude. I hope.

When I think about calls in general I perceive them as an intrusion into my personal space. They cut through my silence, they arrogantly demand my attention and they by definition mess up with my plans.

Besides, a lot of calls require providing certain information, which through a call can easily be distorted. It is so easy to misspell the name, to mix up the address or whatever else, so why even bother? An email would cater to that much more efficiently. 

For the calls I need to make myself I apply the same sensitivity. Thus, I would always check if there is an option to contact a person through an email, or through some sort of a contact form on the website. To give them an option to reply to me at their convenience. Besides, most of the time it’s everyone’s convenience. Like, see an example which immediately comes to mind: doctor’s appointments! Why would you try to schedule an appointment through a phone call?! It is so much easier to have an immediate access to doctor’s agenda, where you see when are the open slots and you can just pick. As simple as that! Actually that holds for any scheduling. 

To cut the long story short, if you are not my close friend or if we haven’t agreed on the call in advance, just send me a message, ok? 🙂 

And by the way, what is your attitude to calling?